Much like Robert Downey Jr, movies will always my greatest love.
But not unlike Charlie Sheen (apologies for the conceptual whiplash), there’s another goddess dear to my heart – the eighties.
There are films I watch prolifically, like an alcoholic watches the gin bottle, and my mainstays are invariably from the eighties; movies such as The Goonies, Money Pit, Sixteen Candles and Back to the Future. Then of course there’s Groundhog Day, Stand By Me, Working Girl and Grease. If you haven’t seen these movies, then you didn’t live in the eighties, you were born in them (but I forgive you).
I love ’em like a fat kid loves cake, and I’ve seen them thousands of times.
If you could choose a movie to live in forever, which would it be? (If you love horror movies, best not to play.) Given my penchant for black comedies, it could be considered a bleak concept. But some might say (namely me) that I’m already living in one; so I might as well up the budget and lock this puppy down.
But to choose one movie is like a millionaire being asked to pick his favourite dollar bill. I love Indiana Jones, exceptin’ I’d rather date Harrison Ford than be him. Working Girl then. I was always envious of the lunch box Harrison gave to Melanie (not a euphemism). Zoolander, to realise my dream of being really, really, ridiculously good looking; or Anchorman, to finally scream the words, “I’m trapped in a glass case of emotion!”
But why pick one, when you can have ’em all? I think I’ll live in Bruce Wayne’s mansion in Gotham City, and drive Eleanor (the 1967 Shelby Mustang from Gone in 60 Seconds) (hell yeah). I will of course be dating Robert Downey Jr … in his Tony Stark incarnation perhaps. My ex-lovers will be the likes of Han Solo and John Cusack (Grosse Pointe Blank); my friends Cher from Clueless, Bill Murray (any incarnation) and Vince Vaughn from Swingers. Jack Nicholson will by my neighbour (à la As Good As It Gets).
“Sell crazy someplace else, we’re all stocked up here.”
I shall be a mix of Charlie’s Angels, Kung Fu Hustle and Bring It On. Occasionally I will travel through time with Marty and Doc Brown to the Temple of Doom and Kellermans (for all you dirty dancers out there). But my life will not be without peril as I battle aliens, Dr Evil and strangely, an American werewolf in London (of all places).
I shall retire as Audrey Hepburn married to Humphrey Bogart in Sabrina Fair; or perhaps as Elizabeth Bennett to Mr Darcy.
And live happily, ever after (booyah)!