the wuc bytes – burglar

Note to self: do not drop a dry-roasted soy bean down your cleavage. Especially when your boss is sitting be-side you.

Like a pinball boomeranging between two goal posts (mounds de mammilla), it paused above the cleave and then dove forth, with the intrepid spirit of an Olympic diver. And as I sat there in soy soliloquy (shall I dive in after it on a rescue mish the likes of which Hasselhoff has never seen?), my boss turns to me in righteous repose and strikes up a conversation.

That’s right, folks. With the renegade bean nestled betwixt my bosom like Benny Hill on a Saturday night, I nodded professionally and took notes. Mmmm. Uh huh. I like what you’ve done here. And here. And … for the love of almighty Cher, give it up already!

Finally, after he’d killed my will to live with a barrage of Elmer Fudd Rs (or should I say, bawwage) (for weals, yo) and with everyone thusly averted, I surreptitiously scrounged among my bazookas for the bean that Jack forgot. But alas. It was … gone?

I can only assume the gnome took it as a peace offering.

“Oh! NO! I don’t wanna upset you.”

About the wuc

I'm a chick living in Australia, working for the man. I hate office work with a passion usually reserved for James Cameron, but somehow I ended up with a career behind a desk, stapling my forehead at random intervals.

70 Responses to “the wuc bytes – burglar”

  1. Just left a link to your blog on my own as a Versatile Blogger Award Nomination. I love your writing!

  2. infinite monkey theorem Reply August 26, 2011 at 06:07

    Cleavage bandits enter into a realm of accelerated Darwinian enterprise in the dark realms, do they not? I dropped a langostino one time…(to be said like Danny Devito crawling around under a table)*…and ended up with an iguana that even Tennessee Williams couldn’t have imagined!

    * brilliant literary device that I quite obviously stole!

  3. HA HA HA! That’s awesome. I can see how it would be really annoying, but the way you described it sounds pretty amusing.

  4. I’m a bit concerned for your cleavage Wuc. First hot coffee and now a soy bean – what’s next? Perhaps a discrete safety would provide some relief? ;-)

    • Wuccles and cheese. Good call Engle’. I’ll set-up a cordone of yellow tape and a uniformed cop to stand guard (with explicit instructions to let Gay Prince pass, should he come a boobin’)!

  5. This is so weird, we were watching Burglar a couple of weeks ago (they showed it on tv). My family and I were rolling on the floor with laughter at Bobcat. He’s just so awesome, even in Police Academy.

    Ps.Why were you in possession of a roasted soybean in the first place? :P

    • Crackers. I love that movie. Bobcat and vintage Whoopi goodness. Meanwhile, I was wondering when I’d have to defend my bean proclivity! Would you believe … they’re tres high in protein and surprisingly tasty?

  6. Thank you Wuc for beaming laughter into my dreary Monday morning. God you are so funny!

  7. Hilarious! Maybe your boss knew and that is why he kept droning on for so long- to see if you could find it! :)

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