Baseball bats and boogeymen. Beautiful.

So. I’ve been reading the books of Ellen and Portia, simultaneously.

And where Seriously…’ is a joke flavoured confit with smooth self-help scent, Unbearable Lightness resides deep down the rabbit hole, quenching and insight full. One expanding, the other contracting, together they somehow mirror the rhythm of breathing. Curious.

Then, after feasting on such philosophy, I watched A Night At The Roxbury.

‘Cause that’s how I roll.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch: The Beast made her first appearance yester. Like T-Rex straining into my quiet cave on the sniff of a hunt, she swiped the shadows where I stood, my back glued to a rueful rock wall. Then, before I could counter, she fired coercion ‘n’ calumny at me in quick succession, the last of which lodged itself in my perplex.

Ordinarily I reserve hatred for such halloumi as M.Night Shyamalan and Smith (à la Kevin), but. With the uncanny ability to leave me tangled long after torpedo, Beast makes the cut.

Still. Rather than stew in soliloquy, I contemplate. Maybe I should ask my boss to find another boob to bestow Le Bête upon? Sure, my primary instinct is to bend over and take it up the tailpipe, but it aint in my job description (it’s merely inferred). So why not catapult the caustic cat into the lap of a credulous counterpart before she soils my see-sawing psyche?

It’s so crazy, it just. might. work.

Or, asking my boss thus is a catastrophic CLM (career limiting move) and I’ll end dressed in traits of the tiresome and entitled for causing ripples in once calm waters …

“Would you care for a bag of mixed metaphors, Ma’am?”
“I’ll just take the conflict, with a side of confusion, thanks.”

Published by the wuc

I'm a chick living in Australia, working for the man. I hate office work with a passion usually reserved for James Cameron, but somehow I ended up with a career behind a desk, stapling my forehead at random intervals.

27 thoughts on “Baseball bats and boogeymen. Beautiful.

  1. The Night Sham and Mr. Smith… less of Brussels and more of something that was once tasty, but lacking shelf life has gone bad. I confess I did dig Dogma, but I like that sort of thing–reminded me of some student films I’ve long since disowned.

    Arriving months late to your party (sorry!)… reentering the Time Machine to skip forward!

    1. Crackers. ‘Student films I’ve long since disowned’ … excellent way to sum ’em up. Indubitably! (To be said like an English gent who bows on the hour, every hour.)

  2. If a ‘roid latte or a devil in the locker don’t pan out as planned, can you fake tears? Accuse her of sexual harassment and get her out of the organization. If you’re going to roll over and take it, it’s not worth it. I’m sure there are a lot of opportunites out there for you working for the competition. Wouldn’t it be great to work with an agency with an even wider jurisdiction than the one you’re working for now? That way at the conferences you could trump her. If you do plan a career move, you should check out a couple of my exit strategies in my post of July 30, 2011, “The Other Way of Quitting”.

      1. I accept! My working in a secret Canadian nuclear missile silo is getting kind of old. Budgetary concerns have caused cut backs so I no longer have the guy with the second key to talk to anymore, and having a second titanium key in my pocket is of little comfort.

        If you don’t have the power to hire me, I’m still right here for you. I’m just 10 or 15 time zones away (depending on whether you look to your right or to your left).

        1. Always to the left, HoaiPhai! Always to the left. [Mutters.]

          Meanwhile, you’re living the plot of that secret nugget of an 80s movie, War Games, don’t you know.

          That’s gold, Texas tea!

  3. What are you doing in an office? Shit-can those square, mind-numbing jobs and become a stand up comic! Stage fright? (I can’t imagine)…Then start writing comedy, you can always find a way to make a buck in the meantime…You’re just TOO funny and clever (and obviously educated) to waste on blahsay caddy office politics!

  4. Reading both Ellen and Portia at the same time? Better re-read Feynman’s “What Do You Care What Other People Think?” to get rid of the taste. ;-)

    Points for using “calumny” in a sentence. And you taught me a new word – “halloumi.” I agree on M. Night and Kevin Smith – they’re the cinematic equivalent of Brussels sprouts… they look good, some people love them, but they’re just awful.

  5. Funny, just this evening on some other blog I noted “I hate bosses.” But I’ve always liked regular meals too much to tell any of them what I thought of them. You are The Wuc and I am The Wuss.

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